I often used to wonder why people long for connection, fully understanding that in the past connection was one of the only ways of survival, if you were lonely 200,000 years ago you'd be more likely to die, doing things alone was impossible. Now loneliness is a way our bodies tell us we need social contact, this can also be called 'social pain', the bodies way of encouraging you to change potentially isolating behaviour. Loneliness has become more known since the Renaissance when people started to solely focus on themselves rather than connections. This has continued to now, speeding up quickly and we now spend more time on technology than connecting in person. The number of close friends has decreased over the past few centuries.
As adults, it is harder to find meaningful connections and make friends. We are no longer in contact with our school peers whom we've known for years, responsibilities start to get in the way and some feel they do not have time for friends. This is when loneliness can creep in. Our brains still function as they did all those years ago, it has not caught up to the rapid changes in our fast-paced environment. Like in the past, a lack of connection can be disastrous, it has huge health risks and is deadly to our bodies, yet there are loneliness epidemics globally. This is a problem. Once people have become lonely, or have experienced 'social pain' their bodies feel a need to defend themselves, our brains want to protect us. This can make you more wary of those you 'let in' and may cause you to become distrustful of others.
Our connections can be interrupted in different ways depending on our previous experiences, if you feel lonely you may be more critical on how interaction with others was carried out and may see it in a more negative light. Everyone's experience is different, how connected a person feels is completely personal to them. As social creatures, we need to feel connected and as we start to become more plugged in, it can be difficult to build meaningful connections.
I know myself I tend to be wary of people. In the past, I've been hurt, like many and this caused me to become cautious of people's intentions. I like chatting to people and would much rather have a conversation in person, no edited texts, no auto-correct, no suggestions to what I'm saying, just genuine conversation. In-person conversations make me feel more connected, they are more personal, you can't copy and paste to multiple people to get a reply, once you say something it is out there, whether people hear you or not.
I've recently read Sherry Turkle's 'Reclaiming Conversation' and it reiterated how much I value genuine connections. I mentally do not accept apologies or thank you's through text, this may seem odd but I feel if it were truly real people would say these things in person. Texting seems a lot less empathetic, I know many people who refuse to apologise in person, they'd rather say nothing than address important issues. No one likes conflict but hiding behind a screen doesn't help people build these important social skills which lead to connections later in life. Turkle found that more young people struggle to build important social skills such as empathy and inter-personal skills. A lot of young people don't realise if they have hurt a peer, they cannot read their expressions or body language. These important elements to creating and ensuring a meaningful connection have been lost by many as technology has taken over.
Like I've said I enjoy talking to people, I know I can be quiet and often assess situations I get in but I find that opening myself up to possible new connections is a great way to create little communities. Pushing myself out my comfort zone is important, I know I can't just wait for people to want to connect with me, people feel like they need a reason to connect. As people age, their social groups get smaller, people move and feel the need to make new connections. Based on articles I've read about making friends as an adult, common interests are important and if all else fails, there's an app for that...
I know who wants to talk to me, I've recently started to give what I receive, having previously given more than I received. Having learned that 'social pain' does not necessarily mean you are just lonely, it can also mean you know you aren't getting treated as an equal and for meaningful connections, it is important to feel like equals. If not there is a risk of negative connections, lasting negative impacts that can stop you from making important connections. This is personal to individuals, for me, I make the most meaningful connections with people who I feel equal to, not inferior to. Yet it must be said treating people the way they treat you doesn't mean you can treat them awfully, being civil is important at all times as it opens you up to connection. Being rude or uncivil doesn't help anyone and will if anything will potentially cause everyone involved issues in creating new connections.
Having asked people where they connect with others I received mixed results, some said mostly at work and university, having said you spend a lot of time with these people you might as well talk to them and form a good connection. Some stating communal areas like the living room, kitchen or dining room is where they prefer to connect with others, it's more personal in an environment. Some said if they were waiting in long queues, a waiting room or on a train they'd be more likely to connect with the people around them, a shared experience and a common goal is involved in these situations. Another response I received suggested that some people are more likely to connect socially while drunk, they feel more relaxed and open to new connections.
Initially, I thought about designing for a cafe space, but based on my responses and own reflection of how I like to connect (in a small group in an inviting setting, perhaps over dinner, film night etc, shared experience and shared goals). I think it is important creating for personal space, space decided upon by who is using the product. A connection is an extremely personal thing and has many factors involved, especially if you want everyone to feel welcome and involved.
Reflecting on my research, others experiences and my own experiences when it comes to connecting and feeling connected, I feel like I have a better understanding of what I am designing for. Having previously thought about young people who have recently left university, or home, or moved to a new place, I think this demographic is definitely who I want to design for and I now know I want to create something that brings personal connections to them.
Things mentioned:
Sherry Turkle - 'Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age'
Information on loneliness, previous research and informational video by Kurzgesagt - In a Nutshell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3Xv_g3g-mA&list=LLtnCQlxBfHE0eloPcTlHzog&index=2&t=0s which shares their sources within video information.
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